I had been handed the report by the BAP Advisers by my DDO and read it in silence. Its tone took me aback. Never before had I read such a bitter report. It was anything but constructive, instead it seemed intent on destroying me, my spirit and my hopes. Continue reading
The clock is ticking but the time is being used unexpectedly, to an extent.
Last week was supposed to be much like the previous week, but quieter. The only thing I had in my diary was another meeting to help me articulate my understanding of the things I might be asked about at my forthcoming Bishops’ Advisory Panel.
It proved to be anything but quiet.
We had planned to put our house on the market this year irrespective of whether we were still looking into ordination or not. Our family and lifestyle has changed a lot since buying our current, and first, home. Continue reading
The date is getting closer. So much to do, such little time. Or is there?
As I continue my preparations for attending a Bishops’ Advisory Panel (BAP) there I the list of things I want and need to do beforehand at times feels impossible to achieve. Yet I also feel a the sense of peace and excitement I feel as I pass through each day is palpable.
There isn’t just the BAP to prepare for, there is life away from it which continues regardless and needs time and attention. I have my day-job, my role as a school governor, a house to sell and of course my children and wife to attend to and spend time with. Such things keep me grounded and from becoming tunnel visioned and obsessed by all things ordination.
My exploration of ordination feels like it has entered a new phase.
The first was private and tentative, like a child unsure if the venture is safe. I spoke informally with my vicar, I spoke with friends ordained and not. I had questions, I had doubts: what did I possibly have to offer of worth to the church? Whilst I couldn’t see it myself I knew that God would have good reason in asking me to take a look at it. Continue reading
A Pastor once described the church and the life of a Christian to me as a ship made up of three parts. The bow is a battleship where those on the spiritual front line find themselves; it’s the most vulnerable part of the ship. The stern is a hospital ship, where those damaged on the front line go to recover. Finally there is the cruise ship that makes up the midship. Continue reading
I started work on Monday with the security of a ‘permanent’ contract (there is no such thing as a truly permanent contract of course). There were important deadlines to meet but they all seemed achievable. For the first time in a while work was not going to be causing me any stress. It was just as well for it came thick and fast from the ordination path. Continue reading
Are somethings too good to be true? When things appear to come so simply and easy, do you question them like I do?
Right now I can sense God rolling His eyes again.
In a break from redrafting my BAP form I had my first visit to a theological colleges and the first experience on this journey where the whole family were involved. I knew that as I drove towards the college that it was going to be was the easiest and the hardest college to visit. It was my local one. Continue reading
Last week I posted the first of 3 questions I have been asked to ponder before meeting some Examining Chaplains; they will be given the task of discerning whether I should be sent for a BAP.
In last week’s post (Rescued from the darkness) I thought over my spiritual journey so far and considered how my sense of a call to ordained ministry fitted in it. Next week I’ll be posting my thoughts for the final question on the future challenges for the Anglican Church in the future, and my role in it. They will be collected together as the Ministry Enquiry Form that will be given to the Examining Chaplains to help them in their task.
This week’s post is the second of the questions set by my DDO:
“Please give your understanding of ordained ministry in the Church of England. Anglicans of different traditions may have different emphases and language to describe ordained ministry, Examining Chaplains will be interested to discover what you think and why.”
Here are my thoughts.
With my wife away last week I had little time for my theology books. The children needed to be fed, clothes and dishes needed to be washed, bedtime stories needed to be read. It all took my mind off the fact that the DDO was coming to my house at the weekend.
She was coming to see my wife more than me, her involvement and support being crucial to my potential ordination. It was to be an opportunity for my wife to ask her questions, though in our minds we had built it into being an opportunity for the DDO to ‘discern’ our potential ordination as a couple and a family. Continue reading