My Lord God,I have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me.I cannot know for certain where it will end.Nor do I really know myself,and the fact that I think that I am following Your willdoes not mean that I am actually doing so.But I believe that the desire to please Youdoes in fact please You.And I hope that I have that desirein all that I am doing.And I know that if I do this,You will lead me by the right roadalthough I may know nothing about it.Therefore will I trust You always,though I may seem to be lostand in the shadow of death,I will not fear, for You are ever with me,and will never leave meto face my perils alone.
I had been handed the report by the BAP Advisers by my DDO and read it in silence. Its tone took me aback. Never before had I read such a bitter report. It was anything but constructive, instead it seemed intent on destroying me, my spirit and my hopes. Continue reading
It is done. My Bishops’ Advisory Panel is over. It was quite an experience, quite a week. There are many people’s experience of a BAP that can be read, many practically focused, some even dealing with the pain of not being recommended. This is my account of my experience; an account of the emotions, fears and joys that someone has and can go through and that needs more words than other types of accounts of going to a BAP.
So if you’re willing and ready, read on! Continue reading
It was time for the Bishop to make his move. Was it going to be checkmate and game over? I didn’t know. I did know that whatever happened following as a result of meeting my local Bishop was going to be significant. Continue reading
Exploring ordination means preparing for a future life that may never happen. There are no guarantees, no certainties. Getting to a Bishops’ Advisory Panel is not a given, nor is a recommendation that I train for ordination. Yet I have to prepare for the possibility that I will be recommended. It means investing significant amounts of time, thought and prayer for something that may not happen. Continue reading
Listen carefully to what I am about to tell you: The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men.” But they did not understand what this meant. It was hidden from them, so that they did not grasp it, and they were afraid to ask him about it.
Last week I met with a Vocations Chaplain as part of my exploration of whether God is calling me to be ordained as a priest in the Church of England. In my previous post (“Who I am I today?“) I wrote of the challenge I felt to not pretend to be the person I thought the Vocations Chaplain would want to see, but to be true to myself.
During my meeting I came to the realisation that my life has had, in one respect at least, something in common with Jesus’s disciples. Just as the true meaning of things Jesus said or did was kept from the disciples, it seems that I may have been prevented from seeing and understanding certain things until now.
Let me explain! Continue reading
Do you like to know or plan what you are doing each day, week, month or even year? We can do that of course but how often have you planned something that didn’t happen? We all have ideas about what we would like to do but life has a habit of getting in the way.
The thing is plans are just that, plans. They are theoretical and aspiration. They may give us a sense of being in control and in charge. Plans can give us a sense of security but they can also bring disappointment – their resemblance to reality however can sometimes be rather tenuous! Continue reading