Inside Out: the mission hidden within us

Have you ever noticed how Jesus often manages to do the expected and the unexpected at the same time?

Those on the look out for the messiah 2,000 years ago would have expected Him to have arrived in Jerusalem on a donkey, yet when he did few expected it.

Jesus was what went for a celebrity in His day.  There was no Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or Periscope to spread a message or get your fix of news and entertainment.  Jesus’s social media was old-school word-of-mouth.  Those that saw, heard or were healed by Jesus told their friends and family about it, who told their friends and family, who told… you get it.

So word got out that Jesus was coming into Jerusalem.  Most people wouldn’t have known what Jesus looked like but it wouldn’t have taken them long to have figured it out: a man upon a donkey encircled and led by an entourage would have drawn people’s curiosity at the very least.

Crowds gathered.  Some were desperate to get some of the healing they had heard about.  Some were curious to see this person they had heard about and some would have been annoyed that He and the crowds he was drawing were disrupting their Passover celebrations.  Some in Jerusalem would have been suspicious, fearful and even angry.

Here He was, a saviour and a threat, being celebrated, cheered and sneered, a celebrity being welcomed. Continue reading

History Repeating

My excitement worries me

If there is doubt, a maybe or simply a curiosity about something it is always worth at least a precursory exploration of the issue rattling around within your thoughts. That exploration may quickly dispel the ‘what if’ and enable it to be forgotten, but it may expand and take you to new places and opportunities that you would have missed had the thought been left unexplored.

That is how the exploration of ordination began for me, and it has both transformed me and served up opportunities I may otherwise have missed. Continue reading

A Prayer for the Uncertain

If like me you seem on an endless quest to discern where God wants you to go, or what He wants you to do, you may find this prayer by Thomas Merton helpful.  As others have probably said: the purpose is in the journey, not the destination.
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Thomas Merton

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please You.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
although I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust You always,
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death,
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton 

Find out more about Thomas Merton here.

Producing the fruit of the Kingdom

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Gardening with God

Perhaps you have noticed how when a tree’s branches are exposed at this time of year they look like upside down lungs.  That’s just what God’s designed them to be: our lungs suck the oxygen out of the air and feed it into our bodies; trees suck in the carbon dioxide we breath out, use it and give us back the oxygen we need.

Like a tree takes the waste from our lungs, Jesus takes our rubbish, our sin, and transforms it into food to enrich us and the rest of the vine.  Like a tree connects each leaf, twig and branch to each other by virtue of it’s relationship with the trunk, Jesus does likewise with us.

Continue reading

The Prayer of Jabez Extending God’s Kingdom

Jabez was more honourable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain”.  Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain”.  And God granted his request. 1 Chronicles 4:9-10

These 2 verses come in the midst of a geneaology.  Breaking up a list of names broken by a historical note wasn’t an uncommon thing to find in Middle-eastern biblical and non-biblical genealogies in the Middle East when this was written.

Because of their placement in the text though these two verses stand out and almost demand some attention.

Some have suggested that the place called Jabez, mentioned a few chapters back in 1 Chronicles 2:55, is named after the man we hear about in tonights passage.  Jabez the place is near Bethlehem, in the Valley of Elah, and was known as a place where clans of scribes lived reading and copying literature.

What we know about Jabez the man is contained solely within these 2 verses.  So what do we know, and what can God have for us in it tonight?

2 verses, 1 about his birth, another about his life that followed.

His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.”

When we hear in the Bible about the meaning and reasoning behind a given name we get an insight into the situation that they were born into.

It strikes me that the pain of which Jabez’s mother names him after may not be childbirth.  Now being a man I’m obviously no expert on child-birth but I do appreciate that it is rather painful: my hand hurt for ages after my wife had stopped squeezing it once our children had been born…  Apparently it’s painful for ladies too!

There was no gas and air or epidural available when ladies gave birth in Biblical times, so the pain they went through was particularly immense and dangerous, as unfortunately it still is for too many women around the world even today.  That such a painful thing would have happened very often during the vast time period the Bible covers made me wonder why a name that means “I gave birth to him in pain” is only found once within it.

Perhaps the pain of which Jabez’s mother refers to is something less common than the pain of childbirth.  Perhaps, and this is conjecture on my part, perhaps there were complications during the pregnancy or labour that resulted in Jabez having a painful disability?  Perhaps Jabez was born into a troubled and difficult situation that his family found themselves in at that time?  There are many such children being born in Ukraine, Syria, Nigeria and Iraq right now.

You may wonder why I’m dwelling on the pain within these 2 verses and not going straight to the famous bit, the section of verse 10 on which a multi-million-selling book was based and which adorns pens and picture frames, coasters and posters, fridge magnets and key fobs?  I speak, of course, of Bruce Wilkinson’s book titled The Prayer of Jabez, but for me this passage is no prosperity gospel.

I will come on to the prayer itself in a moment but as I read, prayed and contemplated this passage the love that is found amidst the pain stood out.  And it is this love and pain that informs Jabez’s character and prayer.  If we jump straight to the prayer we miss the point of the prayer itself, which isn’t a prayer of prosperity but a prayer for love.

Even the order within verse 9 tells us quite a lot.  The order of verse 9, just like throughout the Bible, isn’t accidental but deliberate.  It tells us something.  Verse 9 starts not with his birth but with the nature of his character: Jabez was more honourable than his brothers”

Notice that we don’t hear that Jabez’s brothers we dishonourable but that Jabez was more honourable.  What made him more honourable?  Could it be that his character was born out of his gratitude for being shown love despite the painful life he was born into or led since birth?  He wasn’t abandoned and left to fend for himself but grew up being loved and with his brothers.  He didn’t take that love for granted, nor did he take God’s love for granted either.

Life wasn’t easy for Jabez.  We can tell that in part because he didn’t simply pray to God, he cried out in prayer to God.  He asks God to bless him and enlarge his territory.  Now given that Jabez is an honourable man this isn’t a request born out of greed.  He isn’t asking for a greater property portfolio from which to become rich; by asking for his territory to be enlarged Jabez is asking to be given more responsibilities.  This is the mark of a person who wants to give back not to have a cushy life.

By asking God to enlarge his territory he is asking for more blessings from God.  But he is wise as well as honourable, and doesn’t end with this simple request for more opportunities.

Life had taught him that if he is going to make the most of the opportunities God grants him he won’t be able to do so alone and in his own strength.  And he knows that in order to use those opportunities effectively he is going to need three things:

  1. to be in tune with God (God with Him);
  2. to be protected by God from harm;
  3. to be freed from pain.

We don’t know how old Jabez is or just what is painful for him.  Nor do we know how many times he has asked God for protection and to be freed from the pain but we do know that God grants him his request.

It is safe to assume that with his honourable characteristics that Jabez showed his gratitude to God for answering his prayer.  But how?  And how does Jabez’s life relate to us today?

Jabez prayed that God would enlarge his territories.  At first glance that sounds like Jabez wants more land, and certainly that would have been seen as a direct blessing from God.  It may sound somewhat materialistic but, given Jabez’s nature, it could well have been so that he could grow more crops and raise more animals in order to provide for his family.  There would have been nothing wrong in that.  Nor would there have been anything wrong in wanting to be free from pain as he did that.

But it strikes me that in the nature of both Jabez and God there is more to it than a simple re-drawing of a geographical boundary.

Borders are a human creation but they aren’t just geographical. We use them to create order and comfort.  We organise friends and relations into groups, our hobbies and interests too.  Sometimes those borders overlap like a venn diagram but so often our life and faith becomes compartmentalised.

Whilst we spend much of our time crossing geographical borders our relationship borders are often closed.  Yet just as when we go on holiday to foreign lands we learn and see new things so it is with relationships.

God is interested in souls not square metres so extending His Kingdom needs much more than an expanding land portfolio on which His adopted children could live in safety whilst they wait for the eternal kingdom.  Just as God works indiscriminately across both geographical and relationship borders, He wants us to do so too.

God knows the nature of love because He is love.  He gives to us because He loves us and like true love He gives unconditionally, demanding nothing in return.  God knows though that if we appreciate the love something we will want to share it with others, and He is counting on us sharing our love and knowledge of Him with others.

Instead of watching from the sidelines as the Fantastic Trio of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit collect souls one by one, God invites us in to join Team Trinity and be part of the fun.

We could sit on our sofas at home and reach for another cup of tea, safe in the comfort of our salvation but we would be so much poorer for it!  God won’t love us any less if we did but He knows we will have so much fun playing an active part. But in one sense we don’t have any choice as to whether we want to get involved or not.

In 2 Corinthians 5:16 to 6:2 Paul called us to be Christ’s ambassadors.  Ambassadors are the embodiment of a land, of a kingdom, and they cross borders to represent their home country and government.

As a result of the blessings he received Jabez would have been seen by those around him to be an ambassador of God.  We too are seen to represent God by those with whom we meet.  We are in effect seen as a living embodiment of God’s Kingdom.

Jabez prayed for more territory, for more opportunities, and not to be confined by pain.  Being an honourable man he would have given back even more so when those prayers were answered.  He would not have received God’s grace in vain, just as Paul urges us not to as well.

God doesn’t want us to confine who we share our faith with to those in our comforting compartments.  God wants us to open up those compartments and cross over their borders.  As we extend our personal borders we can put love into action as Christ’s ambassadors.  As we do so God strengthens and extends His Kingdom bit by bit, soul by soul.

God wants to use us in extending His kingdom, in bringing more people to the eternal party.  He needs us to break out of our comfortably ordered lives and try something different.  Think of it as a holiday, you don’t have to stay but you might want to!

So what borders limit you from sharing your love and appreciation for all that God has done for you?  How many borders do you need to open and cross?  What new territories and people do you need to visit to pass on God’s love to?

Remember one thing as you contemplate that: just as He promised to be with Jabez, God goes with us too.

The Big D

It isn’t easy being green

There sat Kermit, all alone.  Blending into the background, feeling overlooked.  Everyone, everything, seemed so much more attractive than he felt.  He felt anything but special.  But…

But…

But Kermit realised that there were some wonderful things that were a bit like him.  They were big, they were friendly and important.  The thought perks up Kermit, he rises to a brief high before coming down to a level where he is able to accept that he is who he is.  He’s not jumping for joy but he’s not in the depths of despair.  Kermit feels okay.

Kermit had had the Big D. Continue reading

Unpastoralised

Like a phoenix from the ashes, I will rise.

Loathing, disdain and vitriol threaded their way through the report, it was not pleasant reading.

I had been handed the report by the BAP Advisers by my DDO and read it in silence.  Its tone took me aback.  Never before had I read such a bitter report.  It was anything but constructive, instead it seemed intent on destroying me, my spirit and my hopes. Continue reading

The Land of Confusion

Stuck in a cul-de-sac with no reverse gear

Stuck in a cul-de-sac with no reverse gear

I could tell by her tone of voice that it wasn’t good news.

The call from my DDO came earlier than expected.  The Advisers at my BAP had not recommended me for ordination training.  I felt numb.

I couldn’t find many words to keep the conversation going for long.  There didn’t seem much point either when I was told that we wouldn’t find out why for almost a week.

The future that I had been preparing for had fell apart in an instant.  I had been preparing for rejection too but experiencing it is very different.  My emotions took the expected hit.  It felt like a light had gone out, like a door slammed in my face.  I knew that I would find it tough to hear such news, that I would be in a state of grief, but I hadn’t planned for my mind to be hit hard as well. Continue reading

Strange days (aka Going to a BAP)

A sanctuary for strange days

A sanctuary for strange days

It is done.  My Bishops’ Advisory Panel is over.  It was quite an experience, quite a week.  There are many people’s experience of a BAP that can be read, many practically focused, some even dealing with the pain of not being recommended.  This is my account of my experience; an account of the emotions, fears and joys that someone has and can go through and that needs more words than other types of accounts of going to a BAP.

So if you’re willing and ready, read on! Continue reading